Let's talk about the "S" word. And I don't mean "spaghetti". I'm talking about sex. Yes that is correct, we are going all in on one of the most prominent things we can do as human beings. About a minute ago I was sitting on my partners bed rolling around and didn't know what to write about today. When they said "sex" I totally laughed but then I realized that it os so important to talk about. Mostly because no one wants to talk about it. There is still this taboo thing around it and if you mention it in a public setting or talk about it at get togethers there are a lot of different ways people react. When I talk about sex or anything related to the subject I am often met with faces that say "shhhh there are other people around!" but that's confusing because those same faces are the ones that say I should be proud of who I am. There is so much shame around us as sexual beings! It's sad because that is such a beautiful and diverse part of being a human. I'm gonna open this up though and talk about healthy sex!! YAY!!!! Sorry family members if this is TMI but like, this needs to be done and I guarantee it'll happen again (it's a huge topic!)
Since I was young, sex has held a lot of significance in my life. It was not talked about at home (my Spanish fam is selective on when they want to be conservative?) which lead me to take an even greater interest in it. I heard bits and pieces, read about it and you know what? I LOVED IT! Everything from reading Cosmo magazines to books to tv shows, it was fascinating to me. Oh, I also went to many Catholic schools which I found lovely in some ways but often were not always a comfortable space to explore this in. There was this instilled guilt about wanting to know about my body and what sex was besides something biological. I wanted to know about the whoooleeee deal!! But again I was conflicted because even though I was so into learning about it, I also thought I should "save myself for marriage", which terrified me. Puberty was confusing enough and that was like another thing I placed on myself.
Although I waited longer than a lot of my friends, I did not wait until marriage and it gave me experiences that were so necessary for my growth, not just in bed, but in life. I have had A LOT of unhealthy sex and I would have never known they were unhealthy experiences until I started to have and attract healthier experiences. It's been a long road to get here but what an incredible thing it is to feel that I can feel 100% safe and equally as passionate. When I say "unhealthy" , I am not just talking about being comfortable with the person I am sleeping with, I'm talking about having sex as an escape from other problems in my life, feeling like it's the only way I can get someone to stick around, doing it even when I don't feel like it, being violated, traumatic encounters and so much more. Those behaviours took a while for me to see. At the time of many of them I was in a negative place with myself. I felt so unworthy. Unworthy of having someone who would treat my body with care and unworthy of love from myself or anyone else. Years passed by before I noticed I used to do any of those things. A couple of them feel like they are normalized in our society and that things just happen like that. Because I treated myself a certain way, I allowed these people to treat me that way and it happened in one of the most intimate ways you can engage with someone.
This was a pattern that I made and while I did not ask to be violated, I understand that in some energetic way I attracted those situations. I unknowingly let it all slide because I felt like I had to. Because I felt dirty and it was ok for me to be treated that way. Coming out of that mindset was everything and actually it took me about three years on and off to change. Maybe longer. It was by far one of the best things to work on and I highly recommend that everyone get to know their sexual selves, whatever that may look like to you. For me, it was less about the act of sex and more about treating myself better. I started learning to love myself and better sex came along. Who knew right?! I no longer see myself as a dirty or undeserving person who thinks that having sex will equate to love and stability. I've managed to separate those things and create a way healthier way to talk to myself.
Healthy sex has changed so much for me. I am not using it as an escape, I don't rely on it to keep my relationship alive and I don't feel used when things start to heat up. Alright Sahara, we get it, you have a good sex life, what does this have to do with anything? Well it has to do with a lot of things actually. For starters, it allows my relationship to have intimacy on a different level, it doesn't make me depressed to think about and the one I really like, it makes me appreciate and love my body in all kinds of ways. Instead of feeling insecure, I am so empowered. It has strengthened my self esteem because now when I think about myself, I don't think "I could never be sexy", I am thinking about how awesome it feels to be with someone who encourages me to love my naked body and that is a blessing. Shifting my mindset, loving myself and healthy, happy sex have contributed to my healing of past trauma. Life changing people!! I'm going to leave this here for now, I hope that it has sparked some interest in you and has given you the permission to explore this part of yourself. Love it, nurture it and you will find that your sexual partners will follow your lead.
This is a big one to unpack so I feel like many more posts about specific topics under this umbrella are well on their way to you! Happy Thursday!!! Oh and if you haven't seen, I have my booking services open for energy healing sessions. More to come on that too!!
Love and Light,