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Big Dreams and big Things

Hey peeps,

since basically the beginning of my time here on Earth I have had these huge dreams for myself. Dreams that I now look at as less of a fantasy and more like goals. I use "dreams" and "goals" interchangeably in this post but I think it's worth saying that the two don't always mean the same thing. Goals are dreams with action behind them and dreams are the vision. I personally like to say dream because it's a nice word and sounds less rigid but hey, we all different. As a natural dreamer and doer, I strive to bring myself closer to these things as much as I can. I've had many conversations surrounding what I want for myself and I get a lot of the same questions and comments like "what is your backup plan?", "why do you have so many?", "that's a lot of plans!". I don't have a backup plan for anything that I do so I get weird in these talks because for whatever reason people reaaaaallllyyy like to tell others how to/what to do with their life things. Which is awkward for me because I will either pretend I'm listening and stare at their shoes or I will give them every reason I do not need a backup plan. My belief in not having a fall back comes from a quote that talks about how having a plan B for something is going in with the intention to fail. I don't actually know who said it but I will take a look for it because it's great! Why would I want to plant seeds of disbelief in my head? That is a sure way to trip yourself up. That doesn't mean I think people can't change their minds or only have one shot at things. It's about the mindset of knowing every experience is a success. Interestingly enough that has been my mantra of the month, given to me by one of Louise Hay's books. I wanted to talk about this because I know many people who see their dreams as unobtainable and that couldn't be farther from the truth. Size doesn't matter when it comes to this :)! sorry?

My goals for life have two layers, the first is my more external ones. These are the ones that are about my career(s), hobbies, living spaces etc. and the other layer is about my heart things like what I want to contribute to the world, things I want to experience and all that goodness. The deepest and most precious visions I have for myself combine the two layers and those are the ones that light me up. Seriously, I glow when I get into them. I am extremely passionate about them to the point where some days I cry because I am so in love. Performing is one of those things for me. My soul lights up and my energy is amped when I am in a flow of performing and working on performances. Art in general makes me happy but there's just something about performing that completely takes over my body. I was born with this passion burning my heart and pumping through my veins. It's also seen as a huge want to many. I know it takes hard work, I know I will face rejection and I definitely know it isn't for everyone, it IS for me though. That I am certain about. Not because I think I am the best but because I am beyond willing to put everything I have into it. Another goal like this is a couple of elements combined. The well being of people is super important to me and I find learning about alternative health care practices fascinating, so it's a dream of mine to find a way to put together what I know from studying holistic nutrition, psychology and energy healing. I don't really know what that looks like yet but I'm getting there. Yes those are some big things but they are what I want the most for myself.

Sometimes wanting something and holding it is enough. Other times there is an unmeasurable amount of energy in your body telling you to bring it to life. That's how I feel. As though I have no other option because this is what I am made for. It's also ok if you don't know what that is yet and it's ok if you have days of doubt. While I am wildly passionate about performing, I don't go in to every project or show with 10000% confidence. Sometimes I reach a point where I look at all the work I put in and think " you know, this is crap" and then I need to walk away and give myself space from it. When my creative self is blocked it takes a toll on me. So yes, some days you are going to feel defeated, down and that your dreams are much too big for you to handle. The most important thing is that you don't let it stop you! We as a society hold back on our true wants because of fear. How many people around you are following their dreams. For some reason a lot of people don't think they are worthy of their own dreams. You created them, of course you are worthy. We are meant to be epic and wonderful and have the best lives we can imagine for ourselves. Go for it! No one wants to look back on their lives and think about all the things they wanted so badly but didn't believe in themselves to actually do. Even if you mess up, start late or have no idea what you are doing, the most important part is that you just do. Learning happens when we make mistakes and that, in no way equates to meaning your dreams are out of reach. Oh and stop waiting for when you feel better, lose weight, have money and all of those other excuses. This is your life and you can put your first foot forward today. Think of how happy we would all be if we believed in ourselves and our capabilities to live our best lives. It's powerful!

I'm hyping this up because I feel sad when I meet someone who feels too insignificant to be truly happy. On the other side, seeing a person do what they love is unlike anything out there. You can see that they are all in and fully connected. The way they talk about it or get carried away in conversations because it's everything to them. I love that. What I am trying to say is that don't dim that light. Don't let the world tell you you can't have something based on what you look like, who you are, and where you came from. I'm a young person living in Calgary, AB. I medically withdrew from school, I've started three different programs, finished none of them yet, have been on medical benefits and moved back in with my parents after years of being on my own and yea that stuff gets to me. There was a point in time when I saw all of my friends acting and modelling and all I could feel was doubt and the fear that I had missed my chance. For the first time ever I considered considering an alternative route. I watched as the people around me graduated, celebrated and thrived with what looked like so much ease and I thought that there was a good possibility I wouldn't perform again. It took me a while to figure it out and to bring back that spark in myself. It took me a minute to remember that I was born for this. Of course I am going to accomplish my dreams, I am built of imagination and determination. All of those things still happened and they make me uncomfortable at times but I am studying holistic nutrition now, I am in better health all around, I am an energy healer, and on Sunday I stepped back on a stage for the first time in what felt like years and I'm going to do it again on Saturday. The whole thing was new and a new way for me to express myself, in fact this is something I didn't really consider for myself in a serious way before. Part of my heart woke up and every single inch of me was not only alive but full of purpose. A sense of belonging to something and being present ran through me. I remembered that my love for performing outmeasures any negative story that I may have been telling myself. Right there I knew that despite all the rest, I am on my way.

Wherever you are right now, be that a stale dorm room, a lonely cafe or on your way somewhere new with only a few dollars and everything to gain, know that you can do what lights you up from the inside out. Keep trying and trusting that the natural rhythm of life and the universe work in your favour. You got this, you really do!!

Love and Light,


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