Good morning babes!!!
Man has my 23rd year been a ride! Although all of my birthdays have been full of insight, this one deserves a huge spotlight. Last March I was working through the last few symptoms of a concussion, lost my passion for health and made it a chore, my anxiety and depression were at an extreme high and I was all over the place. It was a tough start but each experience has brought me here and I am so grateful! I am well into my healing journey, surrounded by love, falling in love with health again, receiving support, and finally able to have deep belly laughs again! What a time! Nothing is perfect but my goodness am I feeling better. To celebrate with you wonderful people, here are 23 things that I've learned:
1. Nothing is permanent
Change is inevitable and as with the elements, our lives are in a constant state of change. I talk about this quite a bit because it has taken me a long time to accept it. This concept was first brought to me by someone I worked with years ago. I was in a time of transition and so very lost and sad. My coworker kept saying "Nothing is permanent. Everything is subject to change", I later found out this is part of a quote originally stated by Buddha. I cried at the very thought of nothing staying the same. I was convinced that this was not the truth, that there is such thing as a perfectly stable life. Since then I have been proved wrong. Everything must keep moving and we must do the same because a stagnant life is not really living. I now find great comfort in these words, even though it can be quite a sad thing to grasp, it is also wonderful. In the darkest of times we can know that they too, will leave.
2. Asking for help does not mean weak/incapable
I really like to be self sufficient and do things by myself, for myself. I used to feel guilty, ashamed, inadequate, needy etc. asking for help. I still feel that way sometimes but it happens a lot less. Helping people and allowing people to help me has really changed me and has been so essential in this year of healing.
3. Having fun is a necessity
This is not a joke! I honestly believe that by choosing to have more fun in the last couple months has been incredibly good for my soul.
4. Little steps are big steps
When I start to freak out and feel the need to compulsively carry out a behavior (I wash my hands, double check things etc.), I can feel a mass amount of defeat. Everything gets clouded and I lose sight of all the times I haven't had that reaction and forget that I understand why I do these things. I know that this is just my subconscious mind telling me that it's stressed out and has been triggered. I know that I can manage it because I have done it before. Each time I react in a different or non habitual way, I try to give myself a gold star because really you can't get anywhere without walking first.
5. The feeling that I'm "ready" might never come. Jump in!
There is this thing I do when I am afraid I will fall and no net will appear. What I mean is, I hold myself back out of fear. Most commonly this has to do with my creative projects. I love them so hard and then I sit on them thinking "it's not time, they aren't ready". Jumping in is way better, usually a net appears anyways!
6. Learning to love myself is everything
I wouldn't write about it so much if it weren't honest and true.
7. You can fall in love with a place and feelings as much as you can with anything else
Everyone knows it, I am ocean OBSESSED. I live for the beach and coastal life. One of my best friends and I had this talk a little while ago. We were sitting and I was talking about my zodiac sign (Pisces babe), and she was like "no wonder you talk about water so much. Seriously all you ever say about Vancouver is that you miss the ocean. I don't hear much else come out of your mouth except you need salt water" LOL it's that intense. Oh and I'm in love with the "glow" feeling. I might do a post about it. It's that feeling when you are perfectly in harmony and you smile so genuinely that you feel like you're glowing!
8. The saying "Things don't happen to you, they happen for you" is true
Our lives are not against us, they are giving us things to learn, things to help us grow and create our most wonderful selves.
9. All things are on a spectrum. Sexuality, gender, gender expression, mental health, intelligence, everything.
While labels can provide a lot of comfort, they aren't what define you completely as a human being. We are not always just one or the other of anything. It's one of the most beautiful parts of being an individual. Be uniquely you, and if that doesn't have a box, make one! You'll be the first one there.
10. Being resilient is essential for healing
It is so hard when things go down the toilet bowl. Damn do I ever know what it feels like to work hard on something just to have ten more things pop up or for it to not work out. Especially when it comes to health. There can be a little feeling of wanting to give up when a certain treatment doesn't work or when you feel like the journey is too long. As a reminder to myself and anyone else who experiences this, Do not give up! You are working so hard and if one thing does not fit another will. Keep looking!!! Cry it out and then pull up your panties and get back to work, your body, health and life is wonderful. You got this. We got this.
11. Soulmates can be any relationship, not just romantic
If someone asked me if I know my soulmate(s) I would say yes! There are some people who are on that level and they are so precious and rare. Energetically speaking, my younger sister and one of my besties are my soulmates. We are meant to be together in every way. They understand the parts of me that I don't talk about, I don't need to tell them how I feel because we are in sync enough to just know. Both of them raise me to another level of myself and I always leave them feeling more myself than before. I love them.
12. It's ok to cry
I am a cryer! I cry at the movies, I cry when I see pictures, holding hands, hungry, happy, really anytime. It isn't always comfortable and I don't always want it but I know it is one of the most cleansing things for my body.
13. I am not my mental illness(es)
They are only part of who I am. In the same way that a mother isn't just a mother, I also am many other things.
14. Water, Love and sleep can cure anything. Yes anything.
This is the trifecta of a healthy mind and body! No frills, nothing fancy, you can even try it out right now.
15. Wonderful gifts can come in the ugliest ways
They could come in the form of pain, heartbreak, a change of plans, but whatever they come as, you'll know they are gifts in the end. Sometimes all it takes is sticking through the messy bits to find the goods. Oh and angels could be anyone, even the man busking for change on the corner, so be kind and smile!
16. No one is ever too dumb, too smart, too old, too anything!
All things happen in their own perfect timing. I have stretched and squished myself many times making these excuses and they are no good. The most recent example being " I am too unqualified to coach people". I am still fighting on this one because I think mental health/ life coaching is something I am passionate about but some days I think that I am not as qualified as other coaches that have fancy degrees and stuff. Truthfully I know that experience has been the most important teacher for me and although I don't have a piece of paper that says I went to school, I have years and years of hands on experience and to me that means I qualify. So if I decide that's where I am headed professionally, I will have to lose the idea that I am "too uneducated".
17. Staying in touch with my inner child keeps me grounded
Looking at the world with wonder and a fascination for everything allows me to stay open. Being an adult doesn't have to mean you are jaded, dull, stressed or anything like that. Those are choices we make as a response to situations. It is possible to work really hard and at the same time, go to laser tag! On that note, I suggest indulging in it. Go to the park, dance around the house while you clean, order sprinkles, get messy. Trust me, it feels amazing.
18. Saying mean things doesn't change the situation, it makes you a person who says mean things
We have all been to that place where we talk badly about other people or things because we are so unhappy with the whole thing. We also know that this won't fix the way it turned out, so really it's unnecessary. I definitely believe in letting feelings out but there are other ways to go about this and if you constantly talk about how much you dislike that Martha posted a picture of your famous pumpkin pie in Instagram before you, yeesh. That will not result in anything but create a grey cloud around you.
19. Failure, whatever that means to you, is something to be excited about
I know, all my advice sounds really backwards and kind of like a spiritual hallmark card but I got this. During my time in acting school one of the most important parts of our process was to learn to fail. If you fail it means you tried which is a success on it's own. Now you can look back see what can improve and get better. If this is the way you continue to go then you will always be getting better. Not trying is the worst! It takes you out before you even have a chance to be surprised or to learn. Yay for failure!!
20. Self care is an art
A few months ago I got so bored when I took a bath or did a face mask and now it's a routine. There is a practice to loving yourself and finding out the different kinds of care you need. One day it might look like scheduling all your doctor appointments and another it could be melting into a good book. Although this may sound "frilly" to some, I can assure you, it is key. I am more confident, productive and happier by adding a few of these activities into my life. Bath time is no joke!
21. Tap into little "bliss bites"
Cute name right? What I mean by that is, during some moment of your day take a second to fully love a small thing. When I go for walks and I see that the sky is turning different colors I like to pause and give it my attention. Appreciating this one thing or many things lifts me wayyyyyyy up and I feel much more harmonious.
22. I don't need a plan B
As an actor, the most common question I get asked is "What is your plan B?", to which I don't have an answer. Not because I have no other interests or passions but because acting is my career choice. I have no intention on being unsuccessful so why would I go looking for back up?! Don't worry mom and dad, I won't starve.
23. Love over everything
I'll admit, this one is for me mostly but it's still important! Love wins all battles, opens every door, fixes any hurt and is worth the world. Continuing to allow myself to fall in love with everything and everyone is something I strive for. It's also my best quality, so to others like me who may be trying to protect that love or manage it, don't worry! Love is infinite and free so go ahead and give it generously.
Whoaaaaa you made it!!! This was a long one but it is something my heart called for. Thank you so much for being on this incredible journey with me, the Sunspot wouldn't be the same without you!! Whether you are a new reader or have been here a while I hope you know how deeply I appreciate you.
Cheers to you guys! And cheers to my 23 year around this wonderful globe <3
Wanna see what birthday shenanigans I'll be up to? Follow me on Instagram and take a look!! The link is below on the icon or you can find me @the.sunspot
Love and Light,