Hello special souls,
"Free" is a word that has come to me often in the last 7 months. Whenever my moods dip low and I feel overwhelmed, this is what I long for. It's the ultimate description of happiness and when I feel good sometimes I'll think " I did it today. I am free". I wrote about a moon ritual I did a while ago on one of my recent blog posts and I remember while doing the ritual, I had the intention of shedding what was holding me back, of being free from the things I have allowed to make me feel closed. That intention is staying close to my heart because I know that it is possible and it is up to me.
Photo by: @infinitecreator_ Edited by: @jpaint45
Some days I forget how far I've come in the last 2 years. When that happens I forget where I am in the present and don't fully own all of the healing that has gotten me here (and is still taking place). Sometimes I hold onto the same patterns and habits I had when I was sick. My mind was attached to that label and lifestyle and I have been slowly but surely unlearning those things. As I learn to let go of that chapter, I grow into the next, which means my hunger for change also grows. I have a clear vision of who I am on the inside and that person is showing up on the outside more often. To paint a picture the person I see is excited, fun, kind, adventurous, brave, energetic, flexible, she tends to her gardening, follows her gut, lays on the grass looking at the clouds and the stars, she wakes up to watch the sunrise and makes time to watch it set, she swims often because the water is her home, she plays, travels, smells like sun and salt, reads more, walks barefoot, sings, and uses her healing touch to express love. I have cried over this person who lives within me because she's there, I know that she exists and is part of me, it's just a matter of uncovering her. These are the feelings I want to have. I want to squeeze every second out of it because I am truly grateful to me where I am and who I am. So, this is what I'm working towards.
Like I said, it's not always as easy as just taking myself to the pool or going outside to play. My mind loves to analyze my decisions. "If you want to go swimming you'll have to be alone and what if you start to feel gross or see someone on the bus who tries to bug you?", "I don't know if you should go outside yet you haven't done much around the house", and "What about your allergies?!!!!?", all those thoughts and more come crashing in and then I decide to wait for someone else to join me or that I'll do it another day. It hurts a bit because I know I am breaking my own heart. I know I am going against the wishes of my inner child because adult me is caught up in the specifics. In no way am I a perfect human being. I have work to do but at the same time I know I am healed from so much and I want to free myself from the "sick" labels that I've had. Through daily affirmations, surges of bravery, manifestation and the support of the people around me I will get to where I want to be. The truth is, I am already there. I declare that to the universe and know it is taken care of.
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Love and Light,