When you are the "Always Positive" Friend and how to Make Room for Yourself

Hello humans,

I am that person that "forever optimist" friend to many friends and family members. The one they can turn to when they need some light and love and stuff. Maybe you're that person too and I totally feel for ya. It's quite the niche! For a long time this would run me down because I thought it meant that I wasn't allowed to have bad days. I thought that I had to be strong for everyone else and that led me to feeling guilty about being upset around others. I haven't ever been one to let it make me sour but it did make me tired. Especially when many of my friends were going through things at the same time and then add my personal stuff and you have a sadness sundae! Let's not let that happen. I want you all to release the guilt of feeling the hard stuff and know that it is perfectly fine to have a bad day AND ask for help. Yup. Did that make you cringe? There was a point in time where it would have done the same to me but buckle up, this will be so good for you!

Everyone goes through bad times and you are no exception

Most of the time the people around you know that you are human and that you have icky feelings too! It is perfectly ok to sit in that and really process it. Don't worry, the sun will show itself again and it doesn't mean you have somehow become less of a positive person. I need to remind myself this from time to time because although I am getting good at making time for myself, I am not perfect at it and I definitely feel some level of pressure to keep my smile on. I have found that learning to love my darker emotions and being curious about them has allowed me to release a lot of guilt. Feeling icky is part of my experience and there is no way I can help others if I don't allow myself to really go through the motions.

Asking for help does not make you weak

In fact, it makes you strong and brave. It takes a lot of awareness and courage to ask for a hand. We live in a place that seems to think that if you need help it means you are not capable of being independent or you sound like a baby. I fear that I am being too needy when I ask my friends for help. I don't even ask because I would rather not burden them. That is total crap. I am not a burden because they love me. Friends help each other out like that. Now that more of my close people know this they are quite good at offering help before I even get to ask. I still practice it because it's good for me to know that everyone needs some help with heavy bags.

Let it out

If it is one of those tough times don't keep all of that in. It can feel like quite the costume to put on the "I am fine" armor but you don't have to do that to yourself. It's not healthy and will not help anyone if you are pushing all of it down or away. Go for a walk and be with your thoughts for a bit, draw how you feel, punch a pillow, whatever you need to do to process and feel those feelings do it! There is nothing to hide from and you are allowed to be upset. Repeat for the one's who just said "but", YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE UPSET.

*For when it comes out of nowhere and knocks you on your butt*

Most of the time there is no preparation for this and sometimes they come at the same time as many other stressful events. You can be caught in the middle of trying to be that shiny person and boom. human down. Suddenly your best friend needs you because she is fighting with her boyfriend, your other friend is stressed about work, parents are on your case and your baby sister wants some support all while you are upset and need all their helping hands and support as well but it seems like none of them can give that to you. It's a lonely place to feel like you cannot be taken care of because other people are depending on you so much. The first thing I would like to say is if you are just assuming no one can help you and have not asked then you could give it a go and ask. If guilt is what is stopping you, step out of your bubble and make a move, you might be pleasantly surprised. The second thing I want to say is if you have already asked and do not feel heard or still feel like you have to be the more stable/positive person, try changing your perspective of what is bothering you. Is it something that has been caused by external sources or is it within you? The wonderful thing is that not having anyone is a rare thing. However, maybe you are in that situation and usually it means something very intense is happening in your personal life, if you are in that place and you are tired and run down from picking up people but want some room to feel, go ahead and feel. If you are in that tense place, work it out in a healthy way and if you don't have time to be sad for a week, give yourself times in between. I have been there and understand how terrible it feels to walk through the battlefield alone. There seems to be no time and only two roads to choose from: let it swallow you whole or keep moving. In truth there are so many other answers and roads to take so instead of thinking in this black and white manner, try to find other ways to go about it. The guidance you are looking for will come, do your best to be open to it. More importantly if you are here know that you are a strong, beautiful person and whoever you are trying to hold up is so blessed to have you. You can do this and it will change. Keep reminding yourself that you are capable of anything and will make it through this and come out on top. You are not alone anymore, I'm here too.

Wooooooooooow ok got a little deep there huh?! If you have any questions my inbox is always open and you can contact me through Instagram and the contact page here on the blog as well!!

Have the most amazing Thursday!

Love and Light,

Sahara